my name…

people seem to never want to call me by my name, they like to call me somthing that they prefer, instead of what i prefer.

so i’m thinking of changing my name to what my grandfather called me, he was the one person i could always count on, and the only person who’s love i never questioned for even an instant.

apparently his story goes like this… when i was first learning how to talk (at around 7-9 months or so) i couldn’t say “nathaniel” yet, and in my attempt to get it out, it became “Dadl” or “Dadle” or however else a 7-9 month old would spell it.

Dadle was his and only his nickname for me, he would sometimes call me Dadle up until the time he left us when i was thirteen, which now is more than half of my life ago.

i looked the name up at dictionary.com, and funny enough, this is what i found:

dadle

..Dad”le.., v. i. [imp. & p. p. Daddled, p. pr. & vb. n. Daddling.] [Prob. freq. of dade.] To toddle; to walk unsteadily, like a child or an old man; hence, to do anything slowly or feebly.

it got me thinking… did grandpa use that name because i really used it to call myslef as a pre-toddler? or was it just a funny to him, since we were both dadled in our own ways, me growing, and he losing weight, and becoming able to live another dozen years. and thoroughly enrich my life.

so this special name, that only my grandpa had for me, at least for now, should stay special. i should reserve it for maya. since she’s been taught to call a man other than me daddy (i still cry about it, so i’ll leave it at that). her real daddy, can be called Dadle, because it’s special, and will be just for maya and i to share.